Fear will crop up when letting go of bad habits. Dealing with fear is essential for habit change to succeed.
Think of a habit you might like to change, ask yourself what the biggest fear is that could prevent you from letting go of the old habit.
As an example, I wanted to let go of being ill. For many years I had an unknown brain disease which prevented me from having a life. On deciding to let go of poor health, I asked myself what was stopping me from enjoying good health.
Being ill was bliss because it meant I did not need to see or talk to people. As an introvert, being on my own is ideal. The fear of having to mix with people was so great that I had prevented myself from seeing the truth.
Where did this fear originate?
I’m a soft touch and have always helped anyone that needed it until I realised that I was just being used to the extent I had no time to myself. I didn’t know how to handle people and would much rather be left alone.
Do you see the negative side of things rather than the positive one?
On the surface I was an optimist and always cheery with a joke, but subconsciously I must have been negative and resentful.
Do you mix with negative people who love seeing the difficulties that prevent success?
A lot of the people I was helping used to moan and appear helpless, so that is another way that I can now see I was mixing with negative people.
Did something happen – a situation, an event, a person or an experience that left you feeling afraid?
If I was well, how on earth would I learn to get on with people and make some genuine friends. I was terrified of choosing people who would just abuse my kindness.
Was it something else?
Possibly not being able to relate to people enhanced my fear.
Discover what is really going on
This happened in a peculiar way. My mother was suddenly dangerously ill with possibly 24 hours to live. My father had motor neurone’s disease and could not speak or drive. He refused to let anyone live in the house with him.
This situation completely changed my life.
Suddenly I had the energy to drive nearly a hundred miles a day to take my father to visit my mother. It was like living on autopilot for three months while my mother remained in hospital making a miraculous recovery.
There was then my mother’s rehabilitation at home and my father’s deterioration of health. As time went on, I forgot about being ill.
For some reason I was unable to see my fear, however, the situation of looking after my parents changed my focus. It also helped me to realise that people are necessary in life and that there are some good people out there!
How do you know the fear has been overcome?
Funnily enough I had a test recently. Doing an exercise I put my back out. It was painful for a couple of weeks and I was wondering what to do. It suddenly occurred to me that the pain was self inflicted and there was no need for it. I woke up the next morning and my back was fine!
Are you ready to face your fear?
Contact me jacqui@habitchangecoach.co.uk to see how I can help you to let go of your fears.
